


Cas always comes back

by Jinx_it



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, Depressed Jack, Depression, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Loneliness, Loss, Pain, Supportive Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-11-28 12:57:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18208628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinx_it/pseuds/Jinx_it
Summary: During season 13, Mary isn't in the Apocalypse world and Lucifer is out of the picture, Asmodeus has cas and is holding him hostage to get to the Winchesters. When they find out where Cas is they go in, guns blazing, and during the battle Dean finds Cas on the ground, dead.





	1. Loss

Dean couldn't think.  
Jack was fighting Asmodeos, Sammy and mary were fighting demons.  
there's so much yelling but he couldn't hear a thing. He fell to his knees, no, no he can't be gone, no, Cas was on the floor, and he wasn't moving.  
"No"  
"NOOOO" Dean's screams were heard all over the building.  
"NO NO NO NO NO. CAS WAKE UP" his eyes started to fill with tears as the realisation that Cas is dead started to sink in. His chest hurt, it was getting hard to breathe. Suddenly Sam was right next to him.  
"Dean he's gone"  
"NO, NO IT CAN'T BE" Dean felt like he was chocking, there's no way Cas is gone. He looked for a pulse but there was none. he's listened, trying to catch a breath but there was none. There were too many people around him, he couldn't breath, he couldn't think, he couldn't hear anything, he felt like he was drowning. "CAS WAKE UP PLEASE" there was someone next to him, it's Jack, he's crying too. Mary talked to him and convinced him to go outside. "Dean Cas is gone. We need to go"  
"I'M NOT LEAVING HIM!" he didn't even notice he was yelling, he didn't care either, he was not going to leave Cas behind.  
"Dean we have to go Asmodeos is not dead we need to leave". Sam's voice was urgent and scared but Dean still didn't care, if Asmodeos comes he'll fight him, fight him until he dies himself. "Cas I'm so sorry, it's all my fault I'm sorry" he whispered. Mary and Jack are back, there's some yelling, he's not listening, and then Sam and Jack are dragging him away from Cas, he tried to resist but they're too strong. He sat in the back with Jack, Sam was driving and Mary sat shutgun. Everyone were quite. Jack was silently crying, Mary was in shock and Sam had a sad but determined look on his face. "Turn the car around Sammy" Dean said with a voice raspy of crying. "Dean it's too dangerous we can't go back" Sam replied without looking at him.  
"we can't leave him there Sammy turn the car around" he said with a serious voice.  
"Sammy please"  
"I'm sorry Dean, I can't"  
They arrived at the bunker and got out of the Impala, Dean was so weak he leaned on Sam for support, he was shaking. Sam sat him down at the table next to Jack and Mary brought them water, Dean couldn't drink, he just sat there, at the table. He lost track of time, Jack had his head in his hands.  
Suddenly Dean stood up "We need to go back he's not dead"  
"What are you talking about? We checked him" Sam's voice was broken, his face blank of any expression.  
"I'm sorry Dean there's nothing we can do"  
"He came back everytime, he can't die, YOU CANT DIE, DAMNIT CAS!"  
Dean fell to the floor and started crying again, you can't be dead cas you can't, you can't leave me I need you. Sam sat down next to him and hugged him tightly, Dean clung to him and cried on his shoulder.  
"Let's go to your room, you need to rest" Sam said softly and gently pulled Dean to his feet and took him to his room.  
Once in Dean's room, Sam sat him on the bed and went to bring him some water. Dean was devastated, Cas is gone, he was hurt, mad, lonely and heart broken. His chest was so heavy and breathing was painful to him. How could this happen? How the hell did i let Cas die? It was all his fault and he swore to find Asmodeos and kill him. Dean felt the anger bubbling up inside him, he felt dangerous, almost homicidal, he wanted to kill Asmodeos so bad he could barely even think straight.  
Dean started throwing things around the room, yelling and punching the wall until his hands were bloody and raw. Sam walked in with a glass of water, then he saw Dean sitting, leaning on the bed, knees pulled to his chest, head in his hands, Blood running down his arms from the fresh wounds, staring at the wall, crying.  
Sam sat down next to him, "I know how much it hurts"  
Without looking at him, Dean replied "no you don't Sammy. I loved him."  
"We all did Dean"  
"No, Sammy, I loved him, I'm in love with him damnit. I tried to deny it because I thought it would only complicate things, but now... it hurts so much Sammy why is it so painful?"  
Sam put pulled Dean into a hug and let him cry on his shoulder, "I'm sorry Dean."


	2. Chapter 2

Dean woke up.   
For a moment, he was calm, everything was ok and he was hugging cas's trenchcoat.   
But then... 'Nothing is ok, Cas is gone... And this coat is all I have left from him.'

He sat up in his bed, but then lay back down. He wasn't feeling like getting out of bed and going on a hunt or whatever, he just couldn't pretend that everything was ok and act all normal.   
It has been a month, a fucking month since Cas had died, Dean thought he would be back by now but it wasn't happening and he was in pain, still mourning the loss of the man he loved.   
'I should have told him, damnit, I should have told him.'

Sam walked into the room, holding a tray with a glass of water and some sandwiches on it.   
"I'm not hungry Sam" dean said without looking at him.   
"Dean, it's been a month and you have barley left your room, you barley eat, your nightmares have gotten worse when you even sleep. I know it hurts and I know what it feels like, but you can't let yourself sink in."  
Dean was getting annoyed now, "Leave me alone Sammy"   
"Damnit, Dean, we all loved him, and we all miss him. You're not the only one that's hurting, I'm also sad and I'm also grieving. Jack has barley said a word since and he is fucking devastated! We need you Dean! I need you! Jack needs you!"  
Dean didn't say anything, he didn't have anything to say, he just rolled over to the other side so he wouldn't have to look at Sam. He knew he was disappointing them, but he needed more time before he could be of any help to anyone, let alone support the rest of his grieving family.   
Sam left the room and Dean tried to close his eyes and fall back asleep but he couldn't, all he could think about was how he was disappointing his little brother and his (sort of) son. Cas was Jack's father and Sam's friend and now he was gone, 'I wasn't the only one to lose someone, I need to be there for them.'

He got out of his bed and went to wash his face, brush his teeth and get ready for the day. When he walked into the kitchen, he saw no one, he went to the lobby (idk what that place with the tables is called...) And saw Sam, he was sitting in front of his laptop, searching for a case.  
"Sammy" he looked up at Dean, surprised.  
"Where's Jack and Mom?"  
"Mom's on a hunt and Jack is in his room, what are you doing outside of your room?" He asked curiously.  
"You're right. I can't focus only about myself, you guys also loved him, I'm sorry I was a dick".  
"You should tell that to Jack not me" Sam said and stared at Dean with a thoughtful look, "but I get it, I forgive you".  
"Thank you Sammy" Dean said and left.

He opened the door to Jack's room and saw him sitting on his bed and staring at his feet. The room was dark and cold, and it made Dean sad and mad at himself. "Jack"  
"I'm not hungry Sam"  
"Jack, it's me"  
He turned around, looked at him for a few seconds and turned back, "What are you doing outside of your room?"  
Dean sat on the bed next to Jack "Sam told me you barley left your room for a while and that you very rarely eat".  
Jack turned to him again, "so? You've done the same."  
Dean opened his mouth but before he could say anything Jack spoke again "that's exactly what you've been doing for the past month"  
Dean sighed, "I know but that hasn't done me any good, has it? Jack I know he.. Cas was like a father to you and I know it hurts, believe me, but we can't stop living, it's not what he would have wanted".  
The young boy turned around and Dean saw tears in his eyes, "I just miss him so much". He pulled Jack into a hug and the boy's body was trembling as he cried, Dean held him tightly, trying not to cry himself but failing miserably. They sat like that for a while, not Knowing how much time has passed until they both calmed down.  
"Are you hungry?" He asked Jack  
"Not really... I just want to sleep" he answered. "Come on" Dean nodded him towards the door "we both need to eat", "fine" Jack sighed.

After eating, Dean and Jack sat in the kitchen, both drowned in thoughts, then Jack spoke "one time when i couldn't sleep I went here and got some cereal and he cought me..." Dean looked up at him "..he looked at me and smiled, I asked him not to tell Sam cuz, you know, Sam says it'll rot your teeth. He looked at me and smiled, we sat here and just talked for hours... I'll miss that"  
Dean smiled fondly at Jack "yeah, he was quite the angel huh?" Jack nodded "hey can I tell you something?" Dean asked slowly. The young boy nodded again, "I know he was like a father to you and-" "he was my father, and so are you and Sam" Jack said quietly "thanks kid, anyway, the thing is... He was more than just my best friend... I loved him, and it hurts even more because I was too stupid and didn't say anything. And now- now it's too late." Dean looked to his feet, trying not to break down again. "I know Dean-" "we all knew that Dean" Sam said walking into the kitchen. Both the boys looked up at him, "you did? But Cas- I mean, did he know too?"   
There was a long silence and then the three hunters heard a familiar, raspy voice, coming from the door.  
"Of cousre I did, Dean".

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like it.  
> please comment on things I can improve in my writing it'll really help.


End file.
